Being widowed is one of the most tragic and emotionally stressful events we will ever face.  But it is reality for most of us.  You have planned your estate, have you planned appropriately for each other? Do you know details? Policies? Accounts? Passwords?
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https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/columnist/powell/2018/01/19/how-prepare-financially-being-widow-widower/1003722001/
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If you or if your parents have a trust that was drafted in the 80's or 90's or before, it may pay to take a look at that trust.  The trust was likely written with the goal of maximizing the estate tax exemption, thus lowering any potential tax burden on the kids.  The rules and the exemption amounts were different then.  Each person, not each married couple, as current law, had an estate tax exemption that pretty much operated as a "use it or lose it" benefit.  Legal practitioners wrote trusts that attempted to maximize both exemptions for married couples.  While it might have maximized the amount passing, it also put those assets out of the reach and control of the surviving spouse:  that is how the game worked.  You have no right to control the trust left from your deceased spouse only the income it produced and distributed to you by the trustee.

Because the law is now changed:  Married couples enjoy "portability" of their exemptions or the ability to share the total (close to $22,000,000.00 exempt from estate tax under the new tax law), old trusts may unnecessarily shackle a surviving spouse with the conditions inherent in old trust tax tools.    If, after a quick look at a trust, you see the words "bypass", "marital trust",  "family trust", "credit shelter" or even reference to "the maximum allowable amount excludable from taxation as a result of the death of the Settlor (aka Grantor, Maker, Trustor)", those are the "red flag" words, that should lead you to have the trust reviewed by an estate planning attorney.
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The old mechanisms we used in the 90's were designed around the then current laws and tax landscape.  Those tax regulations have changed and appropriate trust design needs to meet the needs of the Grantors, those writing the trust.   No two trusts should ever look exactly the same, because no two family or individual situations are ever identical.  Make sure your trust "fits" you and your desires and your wishes.

A judge recently found that a marriage existed over the past 30 years based on the conduct of the parties.   Even though marriage equality did not yet exist, a judge, nevertheless, ruled that the parties, were married.  By applying Obergefell (marriage equality case) retroactively, the judge determined that because two women had owned a home together, shared joint bank accounts and characterized themselves to others as “married”, that they were, in fact, married under common law doctrine.   Because of the marriage, the parties must now divide property as a divorce action.
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When a social relationship takes on legal aspects (joint ownership of assets), one must be aware of the potential ramifications of the legal aspects and be very clear of possible circumstances.  If the desire is to remain an unmarried couple, it is advisable to have a partnership agreement created to clearly outline the rules and expectations of the couple, while together and if a dissolution occurs.

http://www.abajournal.com/news/article/obergefell_applies_retroactively_says_family_law_court_judge

One of the most difficult and private issues you may face with your parents is talking about their finances.  Money is often a private, "out of bounds" area for parents and their children.  A lifetime of working and saving, paying for a kid's braces, for college educations, working more, saving for retirement, trying to pay off the mortgage and still working, creates a lifestyle, almost a personality that dictates saving and spending behavior.  

A lifetime of saving for "a rainy day" involves scrutinizing every expenditure, every investment and each dime.   When unsuspecting children are suddenly thrust into the previously forbidden land of parents' finances, two cultures clash. Spreadsheets meet handwritten ledgers, and scraps of paper meant to be kept private and confidential must be scrutinized.  When cognitive slips occur, every rock must be overturned and examined to be certain that nothing is overlooked.  This article from the Wall Street Journal traces one family's journey through the maze of  parents' finances and leaves the reader with good advice about being prepared.  
                            The Difficult, Delicate Untangling of our Parents' Financial Lives

                                                            http://on.wsj.com/1LYt7z8

Advance preparation insures that the parents' wishes are met, and the assets are cataloged.  So, when a crisis arises, the whole family is prepared for the legal and financial consequences.  
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                                       Don't wait until the house is on fire to start shopping for insurance!!

An acquaintance of mine died recently.  Among her things, was found a last will and testament form obtained from an office supply store.  Not only were the blanks “filled in” incorrectly, but she failed to list to whom she wished her belongings, bank accounts, home, etc. be given.  The result is that her estate will proceed through the probate process in Court and her property will be distributed as directed by the State of Oklahoma, not according to her wishes. 
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Please, if you believe that you cannot afford an attorney to prepare your last will and testament or if you think that it will be okay to use something off of the Internet, please don’t.   I will confidentially draft your last will and testament at no charge to you.  The peace of mind it will bring me knowing that your wishes will be carried out will be my payment.
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Estimates indicate that $1.3 trillion  (that is ($1,300,000,000,000) will be passed to the next generation within the next 5 to 7 years. Great news, sure, but the unsettling part is that 35% of all who inherit money, will likely squander it!!

http://thetrustadvisor.com/news/easy-come-easy-go-why-35-of-americans-squander-their-inheritance
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The Supreme Court's ruling making same sex marriage legal in every state has implications on tax, estate and retirement planning.  Now all legally married couples are afforded spousal and survivor benefits from the Social Security Administration and the Internal Revenue Service and will no longer need to file different state and federal tax returns or use cumbersome estate planning techniques to protect themselves and their families in times of illness or when a spouse dies. 

TAXES
In the past, a same sex married couple could file a federal return as married, filing jointly, but would file either a single or head of household return if the state didn't recognize their marriage.  Now, as a result of the ruling, filing statuses would match and the following scenarios apply.  
           *A two-income household with a significant difference in income will result in a lower overall  
            tax bill.            
           *A two-income household with more equitable incomes could result in higher taxes, due to a 
            higher marginal rate, phase-outs of personal exemptions and certain deductions, as well as
            phase-outs for participation in certain individual retirement accounts (IRAs).
           *Limitations with regard to income and federally subsidized health insurance premiums also
             now exist.  
            *And, the marriage penalty could now apply to certain tax filers.  

RETIREMENT PLANNING
Prior to the ruling, a surviving (legally unrecognized) spouse could only receive his or her deceased spouse's Individual Retirement Account by being named as beneficiary of that IRA and for the surviving spouse to create an Inherited IRA (not as a direct rollover).  A surviving spouse can now be named as a beneficiary of that IRA and receive the funds as a direct rollover, which can potentially extend the life of an IRA and provide for tax deferred growth until the spouse is required to begin taking IRA distributions  Additionally, such a transfer is a nontaxable event for the survivor.

SOCIAL SECURITY
Same-sex marriage is now recognized by the Social Security Administration.  As a result,
          *All married couples benefit from the file-and-suspend strategy, in which the higher earning 
           spouse can file for Social Security, suspend the receipt of those funds, and the other spouse
           can file for spousal benefits immediately allowing for current cash flow and an above-market,
           risk-free accrual of benefits to access at a later date. 
          *All married couples can enjoy the Social Security survivor benefit which allows the surviving
           spouse the greater of his or her own Social Security benefit or that of his or her deceased
           spouse. 
          *And, in the case of divorce, married couples can, after 10 years of marriage, receive 50% of
            their former spouses' Social Security benefits, at no cost to the ex-spouse.  Interestingly, this
            applies to all ex-spouses for an individual who can simultaneously receive the same 
            benefit with no cost or reduction of benefits to any of the other ex-spouses.

ESTATE PLANNING
The match that lit the marriage equality "firestorm" began on June 26, 2013 when the Supreme Court ruled that Edie Windsor was entitled to be treated as any surviving spouse who inherited from the death of her spouse, Thea Spyer.  The Court said that Edie shouldn’t have had to pay estate tax on her inheritance; specifically the substantially appreciated New York apartment that Thea had purchased some 30 years previous.  As a non-recognized spouse, she was forced by the IRS to pay the estate tax on her inheritance, a penalty she faced because her marriage was not recognized.  

A significant benefit from the ruling is that all married couples now enjoy the unlimited transfer of family wealth from one spouse to another without current taxation.  Same-sex spouses may now move to the front seats on the bus and enjoy the benefit of an unlimited marital deduction from federal estate tax and gift tax for transfers.  One word of caution:  Beneficiary designations on file at the time of death controls who inherits an asset at death, regardless of the current status of the relationship.  All beneficiary information should be confirmed to ensure that the intended recipient remains accurate since the ruling.    

The current value of an estate that can pass to a surviving spouse is unlimited.   As a married couple, the first $10,680,000.00 will pass to others after the death of both spouses.  The limit that can pass to heirs from an unmarried person's estate tax free is $5,340,000.00. These changes significantly alter the landscape for couples of high net worth.  In order to avoid estate taxes several options may be available.    Considering the significance of the unlimited marital deduction, same-sex married couples might consider restructuring their insurance programs in order to benefit children or other intended heirs.  

Justice Kennedy's beautiful words from the majority opinion in the OBERGEFELL v. HODGES case issued today, the two year anniversary of the Windsor ruling and the 12 year anniversary of Lawrence v. Texas:

No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.  The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed.
It is so ordered.

All adults in Oklahoma have the ability to marry, but not all unmarried couples have the desire to marry.  Regardless, if you co-own property (bank accounts, real estate or other interests), you need to appropriately protect each other in the event of death or the incapacity of either partner.  For example, if two people live together, have a clear understanding of their housing arrangement, but the house is legally owned by only one partner, without the right documents in place, if the legal owner died, the survivor would likely have no rights to his or her home.   That uncertainty can be eliminated with simple estate planning.
http://www.tulsaworld.com/business/moneypower/retirement-estate-planning-for-unmarried-couples/article_0ed7a5da-d2ae-52ed-9d2b-dc236bd0ad46.html